National Spirit

This mornings paper brought with it a 12 page, hard to miss, thick paper pullout. On the cover are seven faces of Team Singapore. It reads "The faces that make us proud, Come experience the London 2012 journey with Team Singapore; Ignite your support". Inside are pictures and quotes of every participant. And on the last page are best wishes from the sports council and supporters. 

                                                    
I don't mean to compare, but i'm very impressed with the Singaporeans for inculcating patriotism the way they do. Their National Day is less than a month away and residential blocks have beautified their locality with flags and streamers. The town councils have put up huge posters and banners with photos of people from their areas congratulating the country for its 'birthday'. The community centres have also been decked up. Cloth flags that can be put up on the window sill are being sold at all stores for a reasonable amount. Each house has built in hooks to which the flag can be tied. And its a pleasant sight. These flags fluttering high in unison, telling a little something about the family that put them up. 

Singaporean men around the age of 18 have to undergo compulsory military training called National Service. There's a large group of people here who don't like that arrangement. Its a complicated equation but i don't want to get in to that. What i liked is that the Ministry of Manpower has come up with an ad that's screened at the movies. Quite a tearjerker expressing a father-to-son journey of the NS and of course, the spirit to do something for the nation. 


I'm a firm believer that nothing can harness patriotism and national spirit better than being a part of the military. Maybe having grown up as a military man's daughter and marrying a military man has something to do with it. I was brought up in army schools where parading on republic day, independence day and sports day was out of enthusiasm, singing the national anthem was out of patriotic fervor and saluting the flag was out of respect. 


Aanya will be patriotic. Am sure of that. She'll be surrounded by defence personnel, study in the naval school and have parents who inculcate values that bind. 

My greatest fear

Some reality checks come with the bitter understanding of life. When someone else's sorrow haunts you for days on end, its time for some introspection. It's human nature, to put yourself in that persons shoes. You may feel horrible. But after a point there's nothing much you can do. You're helpless. Just pray that they get the strength and courage to move on.

The incident brought me to think about the arguments and fights i have with MMW. Often. Most of them petty. Some evolve from egoistic unpleasantness and some from unnecessary issues. Word to be noted, unnecessary. I'm going to consciously try to make amends. To live and love each day. Express my love to my near and dear ones. In my own way, i want to be there for those who mean anything to me. For my greatest fear is losing them.

Why this post deserves space here is because when i was most disturbed, i knew, after MMW, the only person who could pep me up was mummy. And even a five minute conversation with her really helped. 

The never ending debate

Why go far? In my house, between MMW and me there are differences on this issue, so how can i judge others. Spare the rod or Beat to treat, what's your call?


When Tini encouraged me to write on this topic, it brought back a series of unpleasant memories from my childhood. The rod, or rather, the hand wasn't spared in my case but i don't think i've evolved wrong. It was a decision mumma had to take. And i respect her more than ever for bringing me up the way she has. Leave alone raise his hand, baba hardly even spoke to me sternly. His emotions were generally routed through mumma. 


MMW was an extremely naughty, 'always getting in to trouble' kind of child. From the stories i hear about his childhood from him, Ma and her friends, i'm not surprised that Ma grayed early! So i don't think sparing the rod was even in the question in his case. And he is by far one of the best human beings i've ever come across. 


The first time i traveled by the MRT (metro train) here, i was the centre of attraction. For very different reasons though. My daughter was the only one making noise. The other "kids" either had gadgets in the hands or pacifiers stuffed in their mouths. A short while in to the journey and the glares faded away. Maybe i stopped paying attention. When MMW spoke about this in his office, one of his seniors promptly asked, "Don't you cane your child?". He was a little taken aback but came to realise soon that caning is legal here. Parents discipline their kids by caning. 


I'm differently opinionated on this issue. I don't want to beat up my child. I want to be stern. And i will be. And i'm sure if she anything like me or MMW, she will need serious disciplining, which will only get stricter with time. She's already as stubborn as a grown up and throws temper tantrums and fake cries like a pro! MMW thinks am going wrong somewhere, coz she doesn't listen most of the times. Maybe i am. Yet, my guess is, she's still a little too young to understand. 

Fighting for his toy with Aahan

I distract her when she gets temperamental. Sometimes i show her the eyes. Sometimes i lose my cool and give her a good sounding. Sometimes i just hug her tight. Most of the times it works and in the one odd time that it doesn't, she gets a light whack. (Mumma and Ma, if you're reading this, please wipe off those tears... it was just a light whack, didn't hurt her at all.)





I read an article on this subject and it made sense to me. It said if you beat up your child when he does something wrong, the child starts thinking its ok to hit. One day he'll turn around and hit someone else too. He's too young to differentiate right from wrong. 


Our parents were spanked (many a time for no fault of theirs); we were beaten up by them (mostly for grave mistakes); but neither was exposed to as much violence as todays generation is. The ways and means of upbringing are changing with time. 

Ignoring the look

The worst is to let out our anger on our kids. Most of the times it happens in the moment, unknowingly. Listen, explain, rationalise with yourself and your kid. Be curt yet understanding. 


And when you can, answer this... Spare the rod or Beat to treat? 

Bait-ed

My little tootsie has long hair now, from a babys point of view; and she sweats a lot. The combination of the two... quite smelly and unhealthy! So I, being the ever concerned mother, went out to buy baby shampoo because all this while i was using mild bathing baby liquid soap for her hair as well. After some confusion, discussion and more confusion, i picked L'oreals new baby shampoo. And yes, L'oreal has two varieties of baby shampoo. I was kicked to see it. I picked it up because its mild and tearless with a sunny orange smell for 'active babies'. Apt for my toddler. 

Back home it got me thinking... The market is flooded with options and in a consumerist society like ours, I think mothers are the worst hit. They want everything for their baby. And everything comes at a price. That price doesn't really bother us so much as long as we can afford it. 


My almost 15 month old has a toiletries bag of her own. Maybe heavier than mine. Soap, shampoo, tooth brushes, tooth paste, comb, moisturiser, cream, lotion, lotion powder, diaper rash cream, nail clipper et all. Oh and the diaper rash cream has a story. Before she was born, i'd picked up the Himalaya baby range of products, thinking its all safe and good for the baby. Half the products didn't suit her. Including the diaper rash cream. So began the hunt for a new 'suitable' one. Trial and error and a couple of months later i was introduced to the Mothercare range of products. This one HAD TO suit her. It was way more expensive than the previous ones i'd tried. But then, who likes to take a chance with sensitive areas. It's being used till date. 


A similar case story for the lotion. Delhi is dry. And lil madams' skin was cracking up. So i tried many a oil and lotion... nothing helped. Finally picked up the Mothercare seabuckthorn baby body lotion which suited her just fine. And was very effective too!

The toothbrushes also have an interesting story. Aanya didn't have teeth back then. I'd gone to a baby store to pick up a straw sipper. There i happened to see a set of three toothbrushes for babies. The first one was for when the baby has no teeth (basically for the gums), second for when the baby has few teeth and the third for when the baby has the complete set of pearls! Of course that came home along with a tube of toothpaste. 

A few years back most of these products may have been luxurious items. But today, i and most mothers with kids Aanya's age think of them as necessities. I'm not even beginning to mention about clothes and shoes and hair accessories, coz that's another closet full of spendthrift indulgences there.