The One!

Its been three and half months since we celebrated Aanya's first birthday and somehow i never got to write about it earlier. 

I moved to Singapore with Aanya to join MMW in the first week of her b'day month. It was a little selfish of me. Choosing MMW in a foreign land over family, friends and well wishers back home to celebrate her first. But then, he's the father. So it was justified. We had to celebrate our little one together. With just a fortnight to settle down, getting used to completely new surroundings, and plan for her big day, i had lots on my plate. 

I was a little more organised by the end of week 1. Though Aanya was still not used to seeing only her mumma around. We had moved from a familiar house full of people and her buddy panzer into an unexplored house, with just the three of us. Not only was she clingy, she had an irritatingly different routine everyday. And every evening when MMW walked in, i had a new crib!

As Aanya's b'day approached the last week of my pregnancy kept playing in loop in my mind. It was a highly emotional time for me. That i had successfully managed to nurture that little tiny 'barely-the-size-of-my-arm' new born into a beautiful, adorable, walking, mischief making toddler was beyond any emotional scale. 

People say that a child doesn't even remember his first b'day so why do anything special? I feel, maybe not today, but many years later when the same child grows up, he would love to know that his first b'day was special and grand and celebrated. And i wanted to make it extra special for her. We didn't know enough people to have a grand party, but in our own little way we planned something. 

It had been playing on my mind for long that the closest family Aanya has wouldn't be with her on her b'day, so i asked them to write little notes for her. Trust me, it was the best gift she could have asked for. Feelings and emotions poured and so did my tears. Baba wrote his first ever poem, Tini almost wrote a novel, the grandmothers expressed their 'aadore' and Shreya made a lovely poster. Not to forget Akshay who was the most prompt and precise in his affection. I'm sure she'll cherish each one's each word forever. 

On B -1 day, while she was sleeping, I baked the cake. After browsing through 100 websites i decided to make a castle for my princess. Once back from work, MMW put up the balloons and 'Happy Birthday' banner. To our utter surprise, the little toothless monster was horrified of the blown up balloons... till we patted them and said "good boy, good girl" like typical pyscho-parents-trying-to-pacify-baby! A little before midnight we sat together, and while i dictated, MMW wrote down all the messages on coloured sheets of paper with bright markers. That was the last thing we put up and voila! the house the was set to ring in the celebration!

She started the day with 'payesh' (kheer as many people know). I dolled her up in a pretty pink dress with silver sequins on it, matched with silver shoes and fluffy pink hair band. (It was the first time i saw her admiring her shoes.) Aashi and Aseem, the closest we have to family in Singapore, joined in the bash with their twin boys Aayan and Aahan. 

The cake was a shabby, 'no-sign-of-a-castle' lookalike yet tasty cake. Tini and Shreya joined us on skype as we cut it. Aanya was a little confused with all the attention. Loving it nevertheless. After a sumptuous continental meal, all of us left for 'Kids Amaze', a 3-storey indoor playground close to our house. This was the fun element. Two hours, heavily expended baby energy and millions of photos later, we decided to head home. We were spending the weekend with Aashi and Aseem, so we headed to their home. 

The day came to an end. Mental exhaustion overpowered the physical.  The baby became a toddler. Responsibility soared higher. The 21st of April, will always be special, and the aim will be to celebrate it ever after!

National Spirit

This mornings paper brought with it a 12 page, hard to miss, thick paper pullout. On the cover are seven faces of Team Singapore. It reads "The faces that make us proud, Come experience the London 2012 journey with Team Singapore; Ignite your support". Inside are pictures and quotes of every participant. And on the last page are best wishes from the sports council and supporters. 

                                                    
I don't mean to compare, but i'm very impressed with the Singaporeans for inculcating patriotism the way they do. Their National Day is less than a month away and residential blocks have beautified their locality with flags and streamers. The town councils have put up huge posters and banners with photos of people from their areas congratulating the country for its 'birthday'. The community centres have also been decked up. Cloth flags that can be put up on the window sill are being sold at all stores for a reasonable amount. Each house has built in hooks to which the flag can be tied. And its a pleasant sight. These flags fluttering high in unison, telling a little something about the family that put them up. 

Singaporean men around the age of 18 have to undergo compulsory military training called National Service. There's a large group of people here who don't like that arrangement. Its a complicated equation but i don't want to get in to that. What i liked is that the Ministry of Manpower has come up with an ad that's screened at the movies. Quite a tearjerker expressing a father-to-son journey of the NS and of course, the spirit to do something for the nation. 


I'm a firm believer that nothing can harness patriotism and national spirit better than being a part of the military. Maybe having grown up as a military man's daughter and marrying a military man has something to do with it. I was brought up in army schools where parading on republic day, independence day and sports day was out of enthusiasm, singing the national anthem was out of patriotic fervor and saluting the flag was out of respect. 


Aanya will be patriotic. Am sure of that. She'll be surrounded by defence personnel, study in the naval school and have parents who inculcate values that bind. 

My greatest fear

Some reality checks come with the bitter understanding of life. When someone else's sorrow haunts you for days on end, its time for some introspection. It's human nature, to put yourself in that persons shoes. You may feel horrible. But after a point there's nothing much you can do. You're helpless. Just pray that they get the strength and courage to move on.

The incident brought me to think about the arguments and fights i have with MMW. Often. Most of them petty. Some evolve from egoistic unpleasantness and some from unnecessary issues. Word to be noted, unnecessary. I'm going to consciously try to make amends. To live and love each day. Express my love to my near and dear ones. In my own way, i want to be there for those who mean anything to me. For my greatest fear is losing them.

Why this post deserves space here is because when i was most disturbed, i knew, after MMW, the only person who could pep me up was mummy. And even a five minute conversation with her really helped. 

The never ending debate

Why go far? In my house, between MMW and me there are differences on this issue, so how can i judge others. Spare the rod or Beat to treat, what's your call?


When Tini encouraged me to write on this topic, it brought back a series of unpleasant memories from my childhood. The rod, or rather, the hand wasn't spared in my case but i don't think i've evolved wrong. It was a decision mumma had to take. And i respect her more than ever for bringing me up the way she has. Leave alone raise his hand, baba hardly even spoke to me sternly. His emotions were generally routed through mumma. 


MMW was an extremely naughty, 'always getting in to trouble' kind of child. From the stories i hear about his childhood from him, Ma and her friends, i'm not surprised that Ma grayed early! So i don't think sparing the rod was even in the question in his case. And he is by far one of the best human beings i've ever come across. 


The first time i traveled by the MRT (metro train) here, i was the centre of attraction. For very different reasons though. My daughter was the only one making noise. The other "kids" either had gadgets in the hands or pacifiers stuffed in their mouths. A short while in to the journey and the glares faded away. Maybe i stopped paying attention. When MMW spoke about this in his office, one of his seniors promptly asked, "Don't you cane your child?". He was a little taken aback but came to realise soon that caning is legal here. Parents discipline their kids by caning. 


I'm differently opinionated on this issue. I don't want to beat up my child. I want to be stern. And i will be. And i'm sure if she anything like me or MMW, she will need serious disciplining, which will only get stricter with time. She's already as stubborn as a grown up and throws temper tantrums and fake cries like a pro! MMW thinks am going wrong somewhere, coz she doesn't listen most of the times. Maybe i am. Yet, my guess is, she's still a little too young to understand. 

Fighting for his toy with Aahan

I distract her when she gets temperamental. Sometimes i show her the eyes. Sometimes i lose my cool and give her a good sounding. Sometimes i just hug her tight. Most of the times it works and in the one odd time that it doesn't, she gets a light whack. (Mumma and Ma, if you're reading this, please wipe off those tears... it was just a light whack, didn't hurt her at all.)





I read an article on this subject and it made sense to me. It said if you beat up your child when he does something wrong, the child starts thinking its ok to hit. One day he'll turn around and hit someone else too. He's too young to differentiate right from wrong. 


Our parents were spanked (many a time for no fault of theirs); we were beaten up by them (mostly for grave mistakes); but neither was exposed to as much violence as todays generation is. The ways and means of upbringing are changing with time. 

Ignoring the look

The worst is to let out our anger on our kids. Most of the times it happens in the moment, unknowingly. Listen, explain, rationalise with yourself and your kid. Be curt yet understanding. 


And when you can, answer this... Spare the rod or Beat to treat? 

Bait-ed

My little tootsie has long hair now, from a babys point of view; and she sweats a lot. The combination of the two... quite smelly and unhealthy! So I, being the ever concerned mother, went out to buy baby shampoo because all this while i was using mild bathing baby liquid soap for her hair as well. After some confusion, discussion and more confusion, i picked L'oreals new baby shampoo. And yes, L'oreal has two varieties of baby shampoo. I was kicked to see it. I picked it up because its mild and tearless with a sunny orange smell for 'active babies'. Apt for my toddler. 

Back home it got me thinking... The market is flooded with options and in a consumerist society like ours, I think mothers are the worst hit. They want everything for their baby. And everything comes at a price. That price doesn't really bother us so much as long as we can afford it. 


My almost 15 month old has a toiletries bag of her own. Maybe heavier than mine. Soap, shampoo, tooth brushes, tooth paste, comb, moisturiser, cream, lotion, lotion powder, diaper rash cream, nail clipper et all. Oh and the diaper rash cream has a story. Before she was born, i'd picked up the Himalaya baby range of products, thinking its all safe and good for the baby. Half the products didn't suit her. Including the diaper rash cream. So began the hunt for a new 'suitable' one. Trial and error and a couple of months later i was introduced to the Mothercare range of products. This one HAD TO suit her. It was way more expensive than the previous ones i'd tried. But then, who likes to take a chance with sensitive areas. It's being used till date. 


A similar case story for the lotion. Delhi is dry. And lil madams' skin was cracking up. So i tried many a oil and lotion... nothing helped. Finally picked up the Mothercare seabuckthorn baby body lotion which suited her just fine. And was very effective too!

The toothbrushes also have an interesting story. Aanya didn't have teeth back then. I'd gone to a baby store to pick up a straw sipper. There i happened to see a set of three toothbrushes for babies. The first one was for when the baby has no teeth (basically for the gums), second for when the baby has few teeth and the third for when the baby has the complete set of pearls! Of course that came home along with a tube of toothpaste. 

A few years back most of these products may have been luxurious items. But today, i and most mothers with kids Aanya's age think of them as necessities. I'm not even beginning to mention about clothes and shoes and hair accessories, coz that's another closet full of spendthrift indulgences there.  

Journeys...

This was our first family vacation. I've traveled alone, with MMW, with Aanya, but the first for all three of us as family. And we traveled abroad from abroad! (I think the mole on Aanya's ankle has something to do with this!) After a lot of internet surfing and consultation with friends, it was decided that Genting Highlands and Kuala Lumpur would be good as a first. We had our itinerary fixed for 3N/4D including travel time.


I was as organised as a bee and ready to leave the house 15 minutes before time. Imagine that! Barring the slight faux pas in the bus which was resolved soon, it was an extremely comfortable journey. Aanya slept through most of it, MMW read through all of it and i enjoyed the scenes from my window. We moved from concrete jungle to luscious green. The housing structures really excited me. Row houses with gabled roofs. But that was only in the town area. High rises, condos and city scrapers were back as we moved further in. 


The shocking part was now. When we had to check in to the hotel at Genting. The hotel is listed in the Guiness book of world records for it has 6114 rooms. There was a queue for the token for the check in counter. We checked in an hour and half later. Freshened up. Spent the entire evening in the indoor amusement area. Aanya slept through our venture at Ripley's Believe it or not, screamed and cried her head out at the Haunted adventure, loved the horsie on the carousel, and the wouldn't stop ringing the bell on the toy train! 

Waiting for our turn to check-in

The next day we left for KL. Easy check in. Lovely room. Rested for a bit and went out shopping. I wasn't very impressed with the city though. We were warned by everyone to be careful of thieves and robbers. There was beggary and bad roads and disobeying traffic. Maybe if i had gone from India, it wouldn't have struck me much, but since Singapore is a better maintained country, i felt the difference. Yet again, all the tourist attractions were very well maintained. No scribbling on the walls or littering or any other nonsense for that matter. 


The next two days were good fun. We took a guided city tour, tried street food and local beer and had our share of relaxation in the hotel too. Whenever Aanya was bored, she would somehow huddle up in her stroller and say 'tah-tah'. One time she even brought us our shoes one by one and said 'tah-tah'!!! Apart from troubling with her meals once in a while, she was an angel. It may sound gross to some, but she always did potty in the room. Never once during travel! (all mums will understand my apprehension about potty.)


Which brings me to the one incident i've been meaning to write about for a long time. A few months back, we were three women travelling with one baby from Amritsar to Delhi. On the seat behind us was an Indian gentleman with two young girls. A toddler and another about 4-5 year old. He had come all the way from Germany with his daughters while his German wife was back home. He was on vacation. Doing everything for the girls. Feeding, changing diapers, putting them to sleep, entertaining them throughout the journey. Patiently. And his journey would not ending in Delhi. He would travel back to Germany the same way. Hats off man!!!


I was extremely apprehensive about travelling from Delhi to Singapore alone with Aanya. She was not even a year old then. Good luck prevailed and she slept through the entire journey. (The  gentleman sitting beside me even complimented me for having such a well behaved baby, little did he know!!!) And this time again, even though MMW was around and we took turns to entertain her on our way back from KL, it was quite a task. I sang all the nursery rhymes i know, showed her the various cars and buses and trees and clouds, played with tom numerous times, gave her body part lessons, animal sound lessons and what not, and even then the seven hours seemed like ages. 

That guys courage will always set an example. Especially during journeys...

My daily dose of entertainment...

... and it doesn't come from the television. It's my little girl, my entertainment channel. In rapt attention she picks up dance moves from the umpteen nursery rhymes she watches and soon we're witness to her cute baby moves. 


It all started with 'chikni chameli'. You know how all babies have a favourite song to which they're attracted, to the extent that they forget anything and everything else. Well, for aanya, 'chikni chameli' was that magical number. She could barely sit back then when the song released, but she had her moves right. She would shake her baby hands up and down and believe me, all in tune! Till today, she can be distracted with the song. It's just that now she's come up with some better moves. She sways her body, does a little twirl, moves up and down and claps while at it!!! 


The funniest was, MMW and i were following the comedy-mystery series called 'psych' on the laptop. And it has a very catchy credits tune. So one of those days, after aanya had slept off, we were doing the same. It had been more than 40 mins since she was fast asleep and as soon as the credits started rolling, we saw to our bewildered amusement, madam was shaking her bums up and down in tune!!! What a sight! We were in splits till we were holding our stomachs. 


I've been showing her the 'gigglebellies' nursery rhymes during her meals. And now she's addicted to them. So much so, that when i bring her bowl out, she points out to the laptop demanding the hear 'her' rhymes. There's one called 'Raindrops and gum drops'. 


If all the little raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops
Oh what a rain it would be
I would stand outside with my mouth open wide
Ah-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Aaaah
And so on... 


The 'Ah-a-a' part is what caught aanya's fancy. Yesterday, while i was busy with something, i suddenly heard her sing 'Ah-a-a' while following the rhyme and prancing around. My little baby sure is growing up. 


The tech savvy baby that she is, aanya loves to talk to Tom. Now tom is 'tom cat' or 'talking tom' as many people know him. She brings me my phone and says 'Hie Taa' which corresponds to 'Hi Tom'. And of course, i have to show her tom or else there'll be mayhem.     She brings the remote to me when she wants to watch 'baby tv' and knows exactly when to say hi when someone calls on skype. 


Funny as it may sound, aanya can say 'mumma', 'tah-tah', 'hie-ta', but not 'papa' and her papa has literally been after her from the time she was born to call him that. She has her own version of 'tah-tah' which refers to her father. And whether he likes it or not, he HAS TO respond to her when she calls out to him. 


Tishi taught her to show her tongue, Girija (aunty) taught her 'high five', tah-tah showed her her nose, she was caught on camera giving her first flying kissie to mash, all her stuffed toys have been named and the party trick is to ask her to show us 'huggie bear' or 'minnie mouse'.  As soon as she wakes up in the morning she says hi to 'nighty' her sleeping buddy. She's learnt 'namaste' and 'jai hind', 'clap your hands, stamp your feet and jump up high'; she brings the 'big red ball' when asked for and can throw the ball. She makes a moo sound when asked what the cow says, and she always nods her head vigorously when asked "who's the goo girl in the house". 'Tagbak-tagbak' means rocking her favourite wooden horse and "tuki"(bengali version of peekaboo) is her all time favourite game. 

She knows exactly where her shoosies are kept and shoosies means going out. And nothing else brings her more happiness (already). The excitement on her face to see her shoosies is boundless. To be able to sit on the cycle or in the stroller wearing shoosies is ultimate happiness!


I know most children cross these milestones by her age, but i guess being a proud mother means being able to recognise and appreciate each and every little act of your child. And this doesn't mean she's the best, most well behaved child you've seen. She can be quite difficult and stubborn. But the vices i leave for another post.