Space matters

It's the free space and exposure to the company of many others that's turning her in to more of a social being. First thing in the morning she wants to explore the outside, play ball, say hi to the birdies and run around. Finally i think hunger drives her back in.  

My theory is, at home there's only so much she can do and is then constrained by space. Here she's found boundary less space. Hence, more to explore and even more to engage her naughty mind in. She's not threatened by unfamiliar territory. It takes her just a few minutes to warm up to the new place. 



And i'm talking out of experience. In the last month she's visited her thammu's place in Delhi, family friends' places also in Delhi, her ammu-dadu's house, the golf course, my dad's colleagues place in Amritsar, my aunt's place, cousins house, friends place and uncles' house in Mumbai. She's never clung on to me for too long. She's definitely a social baby. As long as she gets her food, sleep and diaper change on time. 

After the sweet taste of space and the meaning it brought to her existence, i introduced her to the train. Paradoxical situation leading to one of the most horrendous experiences of my life with aanya. Train compartment=no freedom of space=feeling of being chained! Umpteen end to end walks of the compartment were taken (I could hear almost all the passengers empathising with mumma and me), songs and rhymes were repeated, so much so that the co-passengers also learnt them by heart, books were read aloud, extensive doodling on the slate was observed and the the toys animated their story till she was bored. There was nothing we didn't try. 

Moral of the story. If you have a child like Aanya, travel by train before she can start walking or after she is old enough to use the loo herself! Preferably travel with spouse; never alone. 

17th month update

She's definitely become smarter in the last couple of weeks. She understands more. Can express more. She even drags me by my hand to show me what exactly she wants. She follows and imitates. To the tee.

The other day my mum was upset about something and was sitting on the sofa with her palm covering her face. For a long time little missy tried to humour her with the antics, even tried a fake laugh, and when all failed, she sat down beside her copying her exact facepalm gesture! Of course all of mumma's worries vanished in a jiffy!


Every day has fascinating 'aanya moments'. Mostly good, sometimes annoying and sometimes painful (for her)!

She picks up the mobile and has an entire one sided conversation with her papa, including a little laugh somewhere mid-way (almost like he'd shared a joke), and doesn't end the call without saying 'bah' (bye). She tried the same with a corded fixed landline one day and was taken by surprise when the phone wouldn't move beyond a certain point. Innocence of a child born in 2011 i say!

Another day, she was flipping through one of her first word picture books, when she started saying 'meow-meow'. It was the first time i saw her relating picture to a sound i'd taught her. The feeling was great! Yesterday she saw the picture of a black panther and 'meowed' again. Not her fault. It does belong to the cat family! Innocence of a child, period!

Two weeks back aanya made a certain discovery. She discovered the apple. I never thought something as plain and simple as an apple could be so fascinating and complicated for a toddler. She began by calling it 'aapa'. Then, any and every fruit became 'aapa'. Even a tomato was 'aapa'. There was an 'aapa' hidden in one corner of my aunt's fridge. She managed to see it through the various utensils and almost threw a fit till she got a slice to herself. She cried like crazy at the railway station because one of the stalls had fresh tomatoes piled up at their counter and she wanted one of those 'aapas' only. As of today the 'aapa' has evolved to 'aple'. (and i haven't misspelt it ).

'Bhaiya' is yet another word she speaks fluently. No mistake in pronunciation even. More so, bhaiya is a good friend. He plays with her. Gives in to most of her demands and doesn't even try to discipline. He shows her the kittens and willingly carries her when wants.   

Now we come to the part where i scold her for being mischievous and she fake cries at once with tears rolling down while looking at one of the grandparents for sympathy. (Thankfully they let me do my bit and console her only after she's corrected her mistake). The best part is, within two minutes its all forgotten and she's back to being her naughty old self. 

Aanya is crossing all her milestones month by month; and i'm becoming more patient with each passing month. Even though the gray hair on my head speak a different language! 

The One!

Its been three and half months since we celebrated Aanya's first birthday and somehow i never got to write about it earlier. 

I moved to Singapore with Aanya to join MMW in the first week of her b'day month. It was a little selfish of me. Choosing MMW in a foreign land over family, friends and well wishers back home to celebrate her first. But then, he's the father. So it was justified. We had to celebrate our little one together. With just a fortnight to settle down, getting used to completely new surroundings, and plan for her big day, i had lots on my plate. 

I was a little more organised by the end of week 1. Though Aanya was still not used to seeing only her mumma around. We had moved from a familiar house full of people and her buddy panzer into an unexplored house, with just the three of us. Not only was she clingy, she had an irritatingly different routine everyday. And every evening when MMW walked in, i had a new crib!

As Aanya's b'day approached the last week of my pregnancy kept playing in loop in my mind. It was a highly emotional time for me. That i had successfully managed to nurture that little tiny 'barely-the-size-of-my-arm' new born into a beautiful, adorable, walking, mischief making toddler was beyond any emotional scale. 

People say that a child doesn't even remember his first b'day so why do anything special? I feel, maybe not today, but many years later when the same child grows up, he would love to know that his first b'day was special and grand and celebrated. And i wanted to make it extra special for her. We didn't know enough people to have a grand party, but in our own little way we planned something. 

It had been playing on my mind for long that the closest family Aanya has wouldn't be with her on her b'day, so i asked them to write little notes for her. Trust me, it was the best gift she could have asked for. Feelings and emotions poured and so did my tears. Baba wrote his first ever poem, Tini almost wrote a novel, the grandmothers expressed their 'aadore' and Shreya made a lovely poster. Not to forget Akshay who was the most prompt and precise in his affection. I'm sure she'll cherish each one's each word forever. 

On B -1 day, while she was sleeping, I baked the cake. After browsing through 100 websites i decided to make a castle for my princess. Once back from work, MMW put up the balloons and 'Happy Birthday' banner. To our utter surprise, the little toothless monster was horrified of the blown up balloons... till we patted them and said "good boy, good girl" like typical pyscho-parents-trying-to-pacify-baby! A little before midnight we sat together, and while i dictated, MMW wrote down all the messages on coloured sheets of paper with bright markers. That was the last thing we put up and voila! the house the was set to ring in the celebration!

She started the day with 'payesh' (kheer as many people know). I dolled her up in a pretty pink dress with silver sequins on it, matched with silver shoes and fluffy pink hair band. (It was the first time i saw her admiring her shoes.) Aashi and Aseem, the closest we have to family in Singapore, joined in the bash with their twin boys Aayan and Aahan. 

The cake was a shabby, 'no-sign-of-a-castle' lookalike yet tasty cake. Tini and Shreya joined us on skype as we cut it. Aanya was a little confused with all the attention. Loving it nevertheless. After a sumptuous continental meal, all of us left for 'Kids Amaze', a 3-storey indoor playground close to our house. This was the fun element. Two hours, heavily expended baby energy and millions of photos later, we decided to head home. We were spending the weekend with Aashi and Aseem, so we headed to their home. 

The day came to an end. Mental exhaustion overpowered the physical.  The baby became a toddler. Responsibility soared higher. The 21st of April, will always be special, and the aim will be to celebrate it ever after!

National Spirit

This mornings paper brought with it a 12 page, hard to miss, thick paper pullout. On the cover are seven faces of Team Singapore. It reads "The faces that make us proud, Come experience the London 2012 journey with Team Singapore; Ignite your support". Inside are pictures and quotes of every participant. And on the last page are best wishes from the sports council and supporters. 

                                                    
I don't mean to compare, but i'm very impressed with the Singaporeans for inculcating patriotism the way they do. Their National Day is less than a month away and residential blocks have beautified their locality with flags and streamers. The town councils have put up huge posters and banners with photos of people from their areas congratulating the country for its 'birthday'. The community centres have also been decked up. Cloth flags that can be put up on the window sill are being sold at all stores for a reasonable amount. Each house has built in hooks to which the flag can be tied. And its a pleasant sight. These flags fluttering high in unison, telling a little something about the family that put them up. 

Singaporean men around the age of 18 have to undergo compulsory military training called National Service. There's a large group of people here who don't like that arrangement. Its a complicated equation but i don't want to get in to that. What i liked is that the Ministry of Manpower has come up with an ad that's screened at the movies. Quite a tearjerker expressing a father-to-son journey of the NS and of course, the spirit to do something for the nation. 


I'm a firm believer that nothing can harness patriotism and national spirit better than being a part of the military. Maybe having grown up as a military man's daughter and marrying a military man has something to do with it. I was brought up in army schools where parading on republic day, independence day and sports day was out of enthusiasm, singing the national anthem was out of patriotic fervor and saluting the flag was out of respect. 


Aanya will be patriotic. Am sure of that. She'll be surrounded by defence personnel, study in the naval school and have parents who inculcate values that bind. 

My greatest fear

Some reality checks come with the bitter understanding of life. When someone else's sorrow haunts you for days on end, its time for some introspection. It's human nature, to put yourself in that persons shoes. You may feel horrible. But after a point there's nothing much you can do. You're helpless. Just pray that they get the strength and courage to move on.

The incident brought me to think about the arguments and fights i have with MMW. Often. Most of them petty. Some evolve from egoistic unpleasantness and some from unnecessary issues. Word to be noted, unnecessary. I'm going to consciously try to make amends. To live and love each day. Express my love to my near and dear ones. In my own way, i want to be there for those who mean anything to me. For my greatest fear is losing them.

Why this post deserves space here is because when i was most disturbed, i knew, after MMW, the only person who could pep me up was mummy. And even a five minute conversation with her really helped. 

The never ending debate

Why go far? In my house, between MMW and me there are differences on this issue, so how can i judge others. Spare the rod or Beat to treat, what's your call?


When Tini encouraged me to write on this topic, it brought back a series of unpleasant memories from my childhood. The rod, or rather, the hand wasn't spared in my case but i don't think i've evolved wrong. It was a decision mumma had to take. And i respect her more than ever for bringing me up the way she has. Leave alone raise his hand, baba hardly even spoke to me sternly. His emotions were generally routed through mumma. 


MMW was an extremely naughty, 'always getting in to trouble' kind of child. From the stories i hear about his childhood from him, Ma and her friends, i'm not surprised that Ma grayed early! So i don't think sparing the rod was even in the question in his case. And he is by far one of the best human beings i've ever come across. 


The first time i traveled by the MRT (metro train) here, i was the centre of attraction. For very different reasons though. My daughter was the only one making noise. The other "kids" either had gadgets in the hands or pacifiers stuffed in their mouths. A short while in to the journey and the glares faded away. Maybe i stopped paying attention. When MMW spoke about this in his office, one of his seniors promptly asked, "Don't you cane your child?". He was a little taken aback but came to realise soon that caning is legal here. Parents discipline their kids by caning. 


I'm differently opinionated on this issue. I don't want to beat up my child. I want to be stern. And i will be. And i'm sure if she anything like me or MMW, she will need serious disciplining, which will only get stricter with time. She's already as stubborn as a grown up and throws temper tantrums and fake cries like a pro! MMW thinks am going wrong somewhere, coz she doesn't listen most of the times. Maybe i am. Yet, my guess is, she's still a little too young to understand. 

Fighting for his toy with Aahan

I distract her when she gets temperamental. Sometimes i show her the eyes. Sometimes i lose my cool and give her a good sounding. Sometimes i just hug her tight. Most of the times it works and in the one odd time that it doesn't, she gets a light whack. (Mumma and Ma, if you're reading this, please wipe off those tears... it was just a light whack, didn't hurt her at all.)





I read an article on this subject and it made sense to me. It said if you beat up your child when he does something wrong, the child starts thinking its ok to hit. One day he'll turn around and hit someone else too. He's too young to differentiate right from wrong. 


Our parents were spanked (many a time for no fault of theirs); we were beaten up by them (mostly for grave mistakes); but neither was exposed to as much violence as todays generation is. The ways and means of upbringing are changing with time. 

Ignoring the look

The worst is to let out our anger on our kids. Most of the times it happens in the moment, unknowingly. Listen, explain, rationalise with yourself and your kid. Be curt yet understanding. 


And when you can, answer this... Spare the rod or Beat to treat? 

Bait-ed

My little tootsie has long hair now, from a babys point of view; and she sweats a lot. The combination of the two... quite smelly and unhealthy! So I, being the ever concerned mother, went out to buy baby shampoo because all this while i was using mild bathing baby liquid soap for her hair as well. After some confusion, discussion and more confusion, i picked L'oreals new baby shampoo. And yes, L'oreal has two varieties of baby shampoo. I was kicked to see it. I picked it up because its mild and tearless with a sunny orange smell for 'active babies'. Apt for my toddler. 

Back home it got me thinking... The market is flooded with options and in a consumerist society like ours, I think mothers are the worst hit. They want everything for their baby. And everything comes at a price. That price doesn't really bother us so much as long as we can afford it. 


My almost 15 month old has a toiletries bag of her own. Maybe heavier than mine. Soap, shampoo, tooth brushes, tooth paste, comb, moisturiser, cream, lotion, lotion powder, diaper rash cream, nail clipper et all. Oh and the diaper rash cream has a story. Before she was born, i'd picked up the Himalaya baby range of products, thinking its all safe and good for the baby. Half the products didn't suit her. Including the diaper rash cream. So began the hunt for a new 'suitable' one. Trial and error and a couple of months later i was introduced to the Mothercare range of products. This one HAD TO suit her. It was way more expensive than the previous ones i'd tried. But then, who likes to take a chance with sensitive areas. It's being used till date. 


A similar case story for the lotion. Delhi is dry. And lil madams' skin was cracking up. So i tried many a oil and lotion... nothing helped. Finally picked up the Mothercare seabuckthorn baby body lotion which suited her just fine. And was very effective too!

The toothbrushes also have an interesting story. Aanya didn't have teeth back then. I'd gone to a baby store to pick up a straw sipper. There i happened to see a set of three toothbrushes for babies. The first one was for when the baby has no teeth (basically for the gums), second for when the baby has few teeth and the third for when the baby has the complete set of pearls! Of course that came home along with a tube of toothpaste. 

A few years back most of these products may have been luxurious items. But today, i and most mothers with kids Aanya's age think of them as necessities. I'm not even beginning to mention about clothes and shoes and hair accessories, coz that's another closet full of spendthrift indulgences there.