Why go far? In my house, between MMW and me there are differences on this issue, so how can i judge others. Spare the rod or Beat to treat, what's your call?
When Tini encouraged me to write on this topic, it brought back a series of unpleasant memories from my childhood. The rod, or rather, the hand wasn't spared in my case but i don't think i've evolved wrong. It was a decision mumma had to take. And i respect her more than ever for bringing me up the way she has. Leave alone raise his hand, baba hardly even spoke to me sternly. His emotions were generally routed through mumma.
MMW was an extremely naughty, 'always getting in to trouble' kind of child. From the stories i hear about his childhood from him, Ma and her friends, i'm not surprised that Ma grayed early! So i don't think sparing the rod was even in the question in his case. And he is by far one of the best human beings i've ever come across.
The first time i traveled by the MRT (metro train) here, i was the centre of attraction. For very different reasons though. My daughter was the only one making noise. The other "kids" either had gadgets in the hands or pacifiers stuffed in their mouths. A short while in to the journey and the glares faded away. Maybe i stopped paying attention. When MMW spoke about this in his office, one of his seniors promptly asked, "Don't you cane your child?". He was a little taken aback but came to realise soon that caning is legal here. Parents discipline their kids by caning.
I'm differently opinionated on this issue. I don't want to beat up my child. I want to be stern. And i will be. And i'm sure if she anything like me or MMW, she will need serious disciplining, which will only get stricter with time. She's already as stubborn as a grown up and throws temper tantrums and fake cries like a pro! MMW thinks am going wrong somewhere, coz she doesn't listen most of the times. Maybe i am. Yet, my guess is, she's still a little too young to understand.
I distract her when she gets temperamental. Sometimes i show her the eyes. Sometimes i lose my cool and give her a good sounding. Sometimes i just hug her tight. Most of the times it works and in the one odd time that it doesn't, she gets a light whack. (Mumma and Ma, if you're reading this, please wipe off those tears... it was just a light whack, didn't hurt her at all.)
I read an article on this subject and it made sense to me. It said if you beat up your child when he does something wrong, the child starts thinking its ok to hit. One day he'll turn around and hit someone else too. He's too young to differentiate right from wrong.
Our parents were spanked (many a time for no fault of theirs); we were beaten up by them (mostly for grave mistakes); but neither was exposed to as much violence as todays generation is. The ways and means of upbringing are changing with time.
The worst is to let out our anger on our kids. Most of the times it happens in the moment, unknowingly. Listen, explain, rationalise with yourself and your kid. Be curt yet understanding.
And when you can, answer this... Spare the rod or Beat to treat?
When Tini encouraged me to write on this topic, it brought back a series of unpleasant memories from my childhood. The rod, or rather, the hand wasn't spared in my case but i don't think i've evolved wrong. It was a decision mumma had to take. And i respect her more than ever for bringing me up the way she has. Leave alone raise his hand, baba hardly even spoke to me sternly. His emotions were generally routed through mumma.
MMW was an extremely naughty, 'always getting in to trouble' kind of child. From the stories i hear about his childhood from him, Ma and her friends, i'm not surprised that Ma grayed early! So i don't think sparing the rod was even in the question in his case. And he is by far one of the best human beings i've ever come across.
The first time i traveled by the MRT (metro train) here, i was the centre of attraction. For very different reasons though. My daughter was the only one making noise. The other "kids" either had gadgets in the hands or pacifiers stuffed in their mouths. A short while in to the journey and the glares faded away. Maybe i stopped paying attention. When MMW spoke about this in his office, one of his seniors promptly asked, "Don't you cane your child?". He was a little taken aback but came to realise soon that caning is legal here. Parents discipline their kids by caning.
I'm differently opinionated on this issue. I don't want to beat up my child. I want to be stern. And i will be. And i'm sure if she anything like me or MMW, she will need serious disciplining, which will only get stricter with time. She's already as stubborn as a grown up and throws temper tantrums and fake cries like a pro! MMW thinks am going wrong somewhere, coz she doesn't listen most of the times. Maybe i am. Yet, my guess is, she's still a little too young to understand.
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| Fighting for his toy with Aahan |
I read an article on this subject and it made sense to me. It said if you beat up your child when he does something wrong, the child starts thinking its ok to hit. One day he'll turn around and hit someone else too. He's too young to differentiate right from wrong.
Our parents were spanked (many a time for no fault of theirs); we were beaten up by them (mostly for grave mistakes); but neither was exposed to as much violence as todays generation is. The ways and means of upbringing are changing with time.
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| Ignoring the look |
The worst is to let out our anger on our kids. Most of the times it happens in the moment, unknowingly. Listen, explain, rationalise with yourself and your kid. Be curt yet understanding.
And when you can, answer this... Spare the rod or Beat to treat?
definitly spare the rod.i hav never ever hit my children never ever i emphasise and they hav grown up 2 b well mannered and responsible it was not dat dey were not mischievious.for me time out workd veri well so much so dat my son would himself go and stand in d corner if he was upto some prank.parenting is a life long process .all d best
ReplyDeleteDiya, enjoyed reading your blog post and your moral dilemmas on the nuances of parenting. The potter's got to administer adequate rap to get the right shape, but he probably knows what it is he wants at the end of it!
ReplyDeleteIn a world where parents looks for quick fixes...here is a mother who chooses to be patient and teaches her daughter the right values without having to resort to extreme measures....she knows that a child learns not by canned discipline but by the time spent nurturing!!! and (Mumma and Ma) are proud of you for that - what a lovely way to address them!!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteThe best part is that growing in such a positive environment the lil angel will grow up to be someone who will be a very happy person herself and spread the love to whoever she meets with...God Bless!!!